Regret

By Tooba Nadeem

She turned off her laptop and leaned her head against the sofa.

“I am very tired today, I think I should sleep now.”, she said to herself. After a minute or two, she got up from the sofa.

While going to her room, she stopped in front of her mother’s room. When she saw the door of her mother’s room, the face of her dead mother came in front of her eyes and tears started flowing. Her mother passed away two weeks ago and after her death, she did not dare to go to her room.

But now she decided to go to her room because she wanted to smell her fragrance, to feel her touch and to live those moments again which they spent together in this room. 

She opened the door with shaking hands.

“I am going from this world Amal but I will keep praying for you after death. We will meet in dreams so, never feel alone my jaan…. Never!” Mama’s last words echoed in her ears.

Her face was completely wet with tears. She moved towards her bed with heavy steps. She picked up her mother’s photo from the bed’s side table. Her photo reminded her of a lot of beautiful memories which they spent together. She kept looking at the photo with an injured smile on her face. After kissing her photo, she placed it back on the table. While doing so, she saw her mom’s diary.

She picked that up, sat on the bed and started reading it.

“My daughter is so nice and caring. She usually calls me from office just to remind me that I have to take my medicine.” Her smile got deeper though she was still weeping. “She calls me at lunch time just to say that mama khana kha lo. She is my whole world for me. But she has no time for me.” This last sentence shocked Amal because she never realized that her mother needs her time more than anything.

“She has no time to sit and talk to me. When she comes to home from office, she remains busy with her office work. Whenever I ask her to sit with me, she always replied, Mama! I have no time.” These sentences hit her like arrows. Her heart became heavy. It became difficult for her to keep reading but somehow she continued. “I miss those days when we used to cook food together, watch movies together, talk with each other and spend quality time. I wish those days come back because she needs me and I need her.”

That page was all wet with tears. Nothing else was written on the diary. Remaining pages were empty.

“I am sorry mama.” She hugged that diary. She closed her eyes while facing upwards. She was weeping badly. “I am so sorry.” She repeatedly said.

Sometimes live doesn’t give us another chance to compensate for our mistakes. Sometimes we realize our mistakes when it is too late. And this becomes the permanent regret of our life. In order to save ourselves from such guilt or regret, we should spend quality time with our loved ones. Because there is no replacement of those beautiful moments we share with them.